How To Tell A Loved One To Lighten Their Load

If your spouse or someone you are close with is getting or is already fat (not to be confused with phat) and you don’t want to be an asshole in telling them to lose weight, here are some helpful tips according to this MSNBC article:

First, don’t criticize, says Gorin. Instead, praise any exercising or healthy eating you witness. “Most important, shape up yourself,” says Gorin. “If you’re living healthily, it’ll be easier for your partner to do the same.”

Here are four other do’s and don’ts when it comes to helping your sweetie slim down.

Don’t nag. Constantly berating your partner only spurs conflict and resentment, says Maye Musk, a New York nutritionist and couples counselor. The targeted person will likely feel ugly, angry and depressed, leading to more weight gain. “It becomes a downward spiral,” says Musk.

Be loving. Jennifer Blair, 59, of Alexandria, Va., largely credits her husband’s tender ways for helping her drop 33 pounds since May. For years, she’d been working 18-hour days and weekends as a technical training consultant, grabbing fast food and getting no exercise. As a result, she puffed up from a size 12 to a size 22.

Her husband’s response? A big hug.

“He said he was concerned about my health,” she says. “He told me, ‘I really want my wife to be around.’” Blair listened. She quit the job, switched to a low-carb diet, and added a five-day-a-week gym routine.

Don’t judge. We all get tempted by sugary, fatty foods, and it doesn’t help to scold when somebody gives in, says Gorin. “If your spouse says they ate all the sweets at a work function, don’t say, “There you go again,’” she advises. “It only adds to their guilt and doesn’t help them avoid the problem in future.”

Help problem-solve. Offer strategies to resist temptation, such as suggesting fruit as a snack instead of cookies. Buy healthy, low-calorie snacks such as berries or low-fat yogurt, rather than chips. If your honey succumbs to a snack attack, ask nicely, ‘is there something you might do differently next time?’, suggests Gorin.

Don’t sabotage. Bringing junk food into the house only fuels a partner’s weight problem, says Musk. If you’re inhaling potato chips on the sofa, your partner will most likely want to join you. It may seem obvious, but if your partner has dropped a few pounds, don’t use food as a reward.

Be a role model. If one partner starts exercising and eating better, the other partner also tends to lose weight — five pounds or more, on average, says Gorin.

Don’t play cop. Most people don’t like being told what they should and shouldn’t eat, says Gorin. “Nobody likes to feel like they’re losing control,” she says. “If you push something on them, they’ll rebel.”

Team up. Pitch a joint health kick as a fun adventure and your partner will more likely sign on. Try new low-calorie recipes and go grocery-shopping together, she suggests. Or you could plan joint expeditions to the gym, as Carin Walling of Mount Pleasant, S.C., and her husband often do. Walling, 32, started going four times a week to trim off 30 pounds she’d gained from a pregnancy with twins. Her husband followed her example and slimmed almost as much. “Our joint weight loss has brought us closer together,” says Walling.

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