A View of the C

Funny – Inappropriate – Edumacational

A New Advil, I Might Have To Try This!

Sometimes when you’re feeling just too peaceful, too happy, and perhaps even too stoic – this might be a solution for you. I wouldn’t recommend slipping it to that devil-bastard of a boyfriend that might not be able to express anything more than a monosyllabic grunt here and there, but I can’t control what you do, now can I? Wink wink.

advil

From The Onion:

Wyeth Pharmaceuticals unveiled a new pain-causing line of Advil this week that will help millions of benumbed, hollow consumers to feel at least somewhat alive for up to four hours.

“Advil Release delivers a soothing burst of pain when cold and listless Americans need it most,” Wyeth CEO Bernard J. Poussot said during a press conference Monday. “Just two capsules can deliver all-day relief in the form of searing, life-affirming agony; the kind of agony Advil users trust when being a pale specter of humanity adrift in a meaningless and uncaring universe is just not an option anymore.”

According to Poussot, the new drug works by delivering a powerful stimulant straight to the brain’s pain center, causing an intense stinging sensation all over the body. If taken regularly, the deadening futility of day-to-day life will be temporarily washed away in a flood of blessed and cleansing torment.

“Two fast-acting, long-lasting Advil Release taken three times a day are recommended for anyone who is convinced he or she will never laugh or cry again,” Poussot said. “Teenagers who see no difference between being dead or alive, nor why it makes a difference either way, may require twice the suggested dosage.”

Read more here.

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November 22, 2008 Posted by | Funny | , , , , , | Leave a comment